When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
