Last Night in Illinois (224)

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• (224): View more from Illinois

  I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.

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• (224): View more from Illinois

  i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.

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• (224): View more from Illinois

  Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...

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• (224): View more from Illinois

  I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.

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• (224): View more from Illinois

  Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.

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• (224): View more from Illinois

  The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.

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• (224): View more from Illinois

  I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...

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  Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!

  (224): View more from Illinois

  Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.

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• (224): View more from Illinois

  What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!

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• (224): View more from Illinois

  just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.

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• (224): View more from Illinois

  Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷

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• (224): View more from Illinois

  These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.

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• (224): View more from Illinois

  It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?

  (224): View more from Illinois

  THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.

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