Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
