Last Night in Texas (956)

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• (956): View more from Texas

  Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity

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• (956): View more from Texas

  is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?

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  no

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• (956): View more from Texas

  She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.

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  The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.

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• (956): View more from Texas

  If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?

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• (956): View more from Texas

  And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.

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• (956): View more from Texas

  found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.

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  while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"

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  Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .

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• (956): View more from Texas

  Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."

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• (956): View more from Texas

  I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward

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• (956): View more from Texas

  Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.

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• (956): View more from Texas

  around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...

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• (956): View more from Texas

  im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.

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