I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
