What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She told me I should be a condom model.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
