i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
