The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
