I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
