I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
