Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
