woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Drunk is not a location!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
