this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
