I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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