if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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