alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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