can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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