So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
