I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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