I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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