I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Who wears a wallet chain?!
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
