Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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