i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
