Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
