the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
