Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
