Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
