They should really pass out barf bags in church
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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