he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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