I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
