I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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