I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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