Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
