i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
