That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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