Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
