i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
