i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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