Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
