I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
