She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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