It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
my sisters under your porch take her home
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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