margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
