do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
