I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
