My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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