I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize