The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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