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• (802): View more from Vermont

  i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.

  (802): View more from Vermont

  ...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.

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• (520): View more from Arizona

  2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.

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• (352): View more from Florida

  You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.

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• (520): View more from Arizona

  Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away

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• (585): View more from New York

  my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.

  (917): View more from New York City

  can you adopt me?

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!

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• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby

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• (406): View more from Montana

  I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  How the fuck do you have so much free time?

  (406): View more from Montana

  Polyphasic sleep schedule.

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• (310): View more from California

  If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.

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