She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
