you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
