I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
