dude i'm inner monologue high
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
