you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Randomize
