WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
