Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
