she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
