i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My bed smells like the plague
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
