I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
