The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
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